We all have stories we tell about ourselves. Where we came from. What shaped us. Who hurt us. Who we had to become to survive.

⏱ Reading time: ~ 5 minutes

If someone asked for the story of our life, we start in childhood and build from there—layer by layer, memory by memory. These stories feel true. They explain who we are. But what if the version we’ve been telling ourselves isn’t the whole truth? What if it’s only our version?

The Story I Held Onto

When I was 10 years old, I remember playing with my older brother, who was 15 at the time. We were chasing each other around the house, laughing, full of energy. I was running as fast as I could because I didn’t want to be caught, I did not want to lose. At one point, we both paused to catch our breath. I looked back and saw him start moving again, so I took off running. Just a few wild, flying steps later, I ran straight into a wall. I cut the skin near my right eyebrow and had to get stitches. I was furious. I blamed my brother for everything—the pain, the injury, the scar. For years, that was the version of the story I carried with me.

But when I brought it up to him years later, he told a different version. He remembered the pause too, but said he never started running again. I just looked back, assumed he was coming, and ran. The wall came out of nowhere and I ran into it on my own.

When Memory Becomes Identity

Memory is a strange thing. We remember events through our own lens, shaped by emotion, interpretation, and time. And the more we repeat a story to ourselves, the more it becomes the truth… even if it’s just our truth.

That’s the power of stories, we don’t just tell them, we live inside them. Each time we replay a memory in our minds, or retell what happened to someone else, we reinforce the narrative. It becomes more solid, more believable, more real.

Our minds don’t always store the full picture. Instead, the subconscious holds onto the emotional snapshot—the exact moment that hurt, scared, or shocked us—and the feelings we had in that instant. Over time, those feelings get ingrained into our identity. We stop seeing it as something that happened and start seeing it as something we are. Without realizing it, we begin to shape our personality, our reactions, even our self-worth around that single moment.

When we’re young, we don’t have the tools to question this. Therefore, the pattern runs on autopilot. But as adults, it becomes our responsibility to pause, reflect, and process these stories. To feel the emotions we once buried. To understand what really happened—and what we made it mean.

Because yes, what happened was real. And yes, how we felt in that moment was real. But that doesn’t mean the story we built around it still needs to define who we are today.

🌱 How to Start Reshaping a Story

Reshaping a story isn’t about rewriting the past. It’s about reclaiming your power in the present. Here’s how to begin:

Healing starts when we challenge the story we tell ourselves. Some ask, why should we even do that? Because the stories we carry shape how we see ourselves, how we show up in relationships, and how we navigate the world. If we never pause to examine those stories, we risk living from a version of ourselves that’s outdated, incomplete, or no longer true.

We question the narrative because we long to build a healthier relationship with ourselves—to feel more at ease in our own skin, to invite more harmony and compassion into our lives, and to reconnect with who we truly are beneath the layers of old meaning and memory. When we do this, we don’t erase the past—we simply choose to meet it with curiosity and tenderness. And in doing so, we give ourselves the power to write a new story—one rooted in awareness, healing, and truth.