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People often ask me, “What is self-love? What does it really mean? What does it feel like?”

Imagine a friend who sees you completely—no judgment, no conditions. The one who, in those rare, beautiful moments, holds space for you with full presence and acceptance. Now, what if you be that friend to yourself? Have you ever experienced the magic during a walk in nature, watching a sunset, laughing endlessly with a friend, or hugging a loved one? There’s a wholeness experienced in those moments, a sense of being fully at ease just in that moment, feeling everything is okay. To me, that’s what self-love is. It’s the wholeness we experience, embracing all parts of who we are—the wild, the beautiful, the messy, the lonely, the bitter, the joyful—all of it.

We often wait for someone else to give us the love we crave, but the truth is, it has to start with us. How can we expect someone to embrace all parts of us if we don’t do the same? I know, I know—this is something we hear all the time. But let’s pause and really think about it. If we don’t understand what it means to love ourselves, what standard are we setting for how others should love us?

Even when someone does come along and offers us love, we struggle to fully receive it. We start questioning: How can they love me? What do they see in me? That lingering doubt keeps us feeling unfulfilled, no matter who we’re with. Instead of waiting for external validation, wouldn’t it be more powerful to start within—learning what self-love truly is and allowing ourselves to experience it, both from within and from others?

The first step is simply recognizing when self-love is absent. Awareness is the key. Once you realize it’s missing, you can begin working towards it.

The next step is acceptance. When we embrace all parts of ourselves, self-love starts to feel more natural. Think about it—if we don’t fully accept every side of who we are, how can we expect someone else to? It’s easy to place that responsibility on others, hoping they’ll accept us completely, but true growth comes from doing the deep inner work ourselves.

In vulnerable moments, instead of criticizing or rejecting what we feel, we can pause, acknowledge what’s happening, and hold space for ourselves. Here are few examples:

•  You’re having a tough day, and everything feels like too much. Instead of telling yourself to “just get over it,” you pause, take a deep breath, and acknowledge, “This is hard. I’m feeling overwhelmed, and that’s okay. I can take a moment to breathe and gather myself.”
• You mess up at work or forget an important detail. Instead of calling yourself “stupid” or replaying the mistake endlessly, you acknowledge, “I made a mistake, and I feel embarrassed. But I’m human, and I can learn from this.”

• A weekend passes, and you realize you didn’t connect with anyone. Instead of telling yourself you’re unlovable, you gently reflect, “I’m feeling lonely, and that’s a real emotion. Maybe I can reach out to someone or do something that brings me joy.”

• You feel a wave of sadness without a clear reason. Instead of pushing it away, you sit with it and say, “I don’t have to understand this feeling right now. I can just let myself feel it without judgment.”

We don’t need to push those parts away or question why they exist. The more we resist, the more we shut ourselves down. But if we can love them simply because they are a part of us, we can begin to love ourselves for who we truly are—just as we are. And in that acceptance can slowly start incorporating.

It’s important to remember that self-acceptance doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process.

The Misconceptions About Self-Love:

Sometimes we confuse self-care for self-love. Treating ourselves and giving ourselves gifts and experiences is not the core of self-love. Instead, it is loving all parts of us that we hope and wish someone else did. A simple way to distinguish between self-care and self-love is this:

• Self-care: Taking a long bath after a stressful day. It’s about tending to your immediate needs for relaxation and rejuvenation.
• Self-love: Understanding why you’re stressed in the first place and making changes in your life to reduce that stress, whether it’s setting boundaries, speaking up for yourself, or choosing not to overextend your energy. Self-love goes deeper—it’s about respecting your own needs and prioritizing your well-being on a long-term basis.

Self-care is the act, and self-love is the mindset that motivates it.

-Gurleen Sandhu